whenever i listen to viva la vida by coldplay, my mind can't help but arrange memories from my first year out of school into a four-minute-and-one-second-long montage.
it's a sort of time travel that reminds me of how patient and faithful God is towards his undeserving, wayward children. namely, me.
scars
i will not forget you.
(see, i have engraved you on the palms of my hands.)
i keep having conversations with christians that seem to be important. the tone and mannerisms and advice given and warnings heeded, at the very least, appear to be serious.
but sometimes, when i'm having these conversations i just want to shake people or hit myself because not much we talk about is really that big a deal. as christians, living in sydney, we have the least reason to complain of really anyone in the world. and yet we do. and yet i do.
and we tend to blow everything out of proportion. possibly because we have life too good we feel the need to manufacture hardship. and i'm obviously speaking generally here. there are people suffering. there are people enduring. there are people persevering. but few of them are us twenty-somethings on our three month uni break, living at home, working casually, going on overseas holidays, dating like-minded twenty-somethings.
and i think part of the reason why i want to shake people and hit myself is because it just feels like we've forgotten who jesus is. and the saddest part of that isn't even that christmas is one of the few times of the year where, in sydney, we actually get a holiday to remember Him. but that for the past two thousand years He has had perfect scars in His hands because He has not forgotten us.
(see, i have engraved you on the palms of my hands.)
i keep having conversations with christians that seem to be important. the tone and mannerisms and advice given and warnings heeded, at the very least, appear to be serious.
but sometimes, when i'm having these conversations i just want to shake people or hit myself because not much we talk about is really that big a deal. as christians, living in sydney, we have the least reason to complain of really anyone in the world. and yet we do. and yet i do.
and we tend to blow everything out of proportion. possibly because we have life too good we feel the need to manufacture hardship. and i'm obviously speaking generally here. there are people suffering. there are people enduring. there are people persevering. but few of them are us twenty-somethings on our three month uni break, living at home, working casually, going on overseas holidays, dating like-minded twenty-somethings.
and i think part of the reason why i want to shake people and hit myself is because it just feels like we've forgotten who jesus is. and the saddest part of that isn't even that christmas is one of the few times of the year where, in sydney, we actually get a holiday to remember Him. but that for the past two thousand years He has had perfect scars in His hands because He has not forgotten us.
surely, i have a delightful inheritance
i know that my Redeemer lives,
and that in the end
He will stand upon the earth.
and after my skin has been destroyed,
yet in my flesh
i will see God;
i myself will see him with my own eyes -
i, and not another.
how my heart yearns within me!
and that in the end
He will stand upon the earth.
and after my skin has been destroyed,
yet in my flesh
i will see God;
i myself will see him with my own eyes -
i, and not another.
how my heart yearns within me!
pouring out a symphony
'speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.'
i was thinking yesterday about music, and how it just gladdens the soul. and not always with the conventional gladness of a smile and a skip in your step.
but gladness that speaks to a part of us that is often inexpressible.
there's something about music that can make you feel understood, unalone, uninhibited, unafraid, all at once.
like someone has taken our own unarticulated sentiments, the sentiments we didn't even know we had, and put them to a melody.
there's something about music that can make you feel that kind of glad.
and it kind of makes sense of what paul calls us to in ephesians.
and it kind of makes sense of why the psalmist is always singing.
and it kind of makes sense of why we will sing when we are Home.
'speak to each other His words, words that will affect one another's inner beings. and in doing so, fix your eyes and gaze steadily at the One who knows no bounds yet knows you infinitely. and in thanks, just be and let your hearts be known by Him, through Him.'
i was thinking yesterday about music, and how it just gladdens the soul. and not always with the conventional gladness of a smile and a skip in your step.
but gladness that speaks to a part of us that is often inexpressible.
there's something about music that can make you feel understood, unalone, uninhibited, unafraid, all at once.
like someone has taken our own unarticulated sentiments, the sentiments we didn't even know we had, and put them to a melody.
there's something about music that can make you feel that kind of glad.
and it kind of makes sense of what paul calls us to in ephesians.
and it kind of makes sense of why the psalmist is always singing.
and it kind of makes sense of why we will sing when we are Home.
'speak to each other His words, words that will affect one another's inner beings. and in doing so, fix your eyes and gaze steadily at the One who knows no bounds yet knows you infinitely. and in thanks, just be and let your hearts be known by Him, through Him.'
in the early hours
there is something interesting about being defensive. it seems to speak something of our own uncertainties and insecurities more than anything else. if we get defensive, it is usually because someone is breaking down the walls we have built up to protect the things we enjoy, or love, or hold in high esteem, but haven't necessarily put proper thought into. over the past year, i've noticed that people (and i am hardly exempt from this) get defensive over things they are not necessarily entirely sure how to defend but are getting questioned about. things like dating, and gap years, and giftedness, and money and the past.
nobody gets defensive about things they are certain about though.
we defend things we are certain about.
and at face value, perhaps defending something and being defensive could just be considered different words for the same thing. but i am convinced that they are different words for different things, that challenged convictions can result in one or the other.
if we defend, we have answers.
if we are defensive, we are often speechless.
if we defend, we do so patiently.
if we are defensive, we often do so frustratedly.
defending is done with understanding.
defensiveness is often played out in anger.
if we are defenders, there is tolerance in action and speech because we are sure of our convictions being justifiable.
if we get defensive, we exalt others to tolerance, blame others for misunderstanding, and our actions and speech reflect attempts to justify the uncertainty of our own convictions.
we are fickle creatures and too easily take things for granted. convictions included.
so our defensiveness can be neither here nor there.
but some things are worth defending, with patience and understanding and tolerance.
things like the truth.
and if the root of defensiveness is shaken certainty, then defending has to start with being certain.
it has to start with really knowing the things we know.
really knowing the things we know as truth, not uncertainty.
nobody gets defensive about things they are certain about though.
we defend things we are certain about.
and at face value, perhaps defending something and being defensive could just be considered different words for the same thing. but i am convinced that they are different words for different things, that challenged convictions can result in one or the other.
if we defend, we have answers.
if we are defensive, we are often speechless.
if we defend, we do so patiently.
if we are defensive, we often do so frustratedly.
defending is done with understanding.
defensiveness is often played out in anger.
if we are defenders, there is tolerance in action and speech because we are sure of our convictions being justifiable.
if we get defensive, we exalt others to tolerance, blame others for misunderstanding, and our actions and speech reflect attempts to justify the uncertainty of our own convictions.
at least this has been my experience.
in it all, the difference in response does reflect something of our own personhood.
and of the things we hold dear.
and how they have come to occupy that high place in our hearts.
and why they continue to be things we cling to.
or whether maybe they are realised as things we actually need to change, or refine, or simply let go of.
we are fickle creatures and too easily take things for granted. convictions included.
so our defensiveness can be neither here nor there.
but some things are worth defending, with patience and understanding and tolerance.
things like the truth.
and if the root of defensiveness is shaken certainty, then defending has to start with being certain.
it has to start with really knowing the things we know.
really knowing the things we know as truth, not uncertainty.
if nothing else, i want to really know that jesus christ is lord.
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