sometimes i wonder if i could go back to being seventeen, whether i would and whether i would make decisions differently. i am pretty jaded for a twenty-one year old. it's hard to look at happy-go-luckies and not think them a little naive. the bible doesn't talk about perseverance and steadfastness for nothing. sometimes i like to think of myself as being realistic. other times i know i am just a little bit bitter. but whether i'm jaded, realistic or embittered i know i'm not joyless.
because joy and happiness are different things. and i have been given everything i need for life and godliness and many great and precious promises. i know that the gospel is true and i rejoice in that.
i don't really think i would make decisions differently if i could go back.
i've learnt a lot about wearing an honest heart on my sleeve more and giving my ache to jesus.
i kind of hope that God is kind enough to give me sixty or seventy more years to be even better at that and love him more and more.
and, really, i don't feel much more than a day older than seventeen.
probably because in the scheme of a lifetime i'm not really.
and even though it's august and it's a month of birthdays and everyone is turning twenty-two and that seems quite old and scary because people are getting married and having children and moving countries and working real jobs, there are so many years to go.
and the future can only be (glory, glory!) exciting.
on a side note, today i wore suede shoes to uni and it rained. and that sucked. and then i tried to dry them on my heater at work and they shrunk. and that made me laugh.
i'm so glad i am learning to trust you, precious jesus, saviour, friend.
