i am in san francisco, on the other side of the world from home.
but on the same side as my sister.
the time difference is nineteen hours and i am a wee bit jet lagged, but not overly.
it was bizarre to sit on the plane for the thirteen hours and to be doing things in close proximity to strangers that i'd usually only do around my family, my housemates or my good friends. things like brushing my teeth, sleeping deeply with my mouth gaping open and eating breakfast.
i'd never thought of aeroplanes in that way before.
it was so nice to meet my sister at the arrivals gate.
she had bought me a cinnamon scroll and bad californian coffee but i drank it anyway.
and today we saw seals and walked hills and ate an animal style burger and fries and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream with peanut butter sauce and hot chocolate fudge and sushi and udon and tempura ice cream and i met all her friends here and they are all very fun and very young at heart.
we all watched a movie that i've been waiting to see for months.
it had a dissatisfying ending and i'm not sure if i found it dissatisfying because it ended like the truth or it ended like a lie.
whichever it was, it reminded me of these words from a song by yves klein blue that i find dissatisfying for one of the same reasons.
so, please don't let me go without you.
my heart never shows without you.
lately, things have been so distant,
and i don't know what i can do to fix it.
why don't you love me like you used to?
why do i worry about the future?
is it, just, that how we manage is not by love but by force of habit?
and if only i could be a man who rips down all your dreams and plans.
and smashes all of your pretty things so the only thing you could see was me.
for what we've done should be a crime.
we should be locked up so we never see the light.
for in the darkness, we could see how worthless all our lives must be.
if our love is like us, you drift apart;
must be something wrong with our hearts.
and be something wrong with all of us
to never care until things are lost.
why don't you love me like you used to?
why do i worry about the future?
i like that i feel things.
i don't like dissatisfaction but i like that i feel it sometimes to know that i never have to be dissatisfied in jesus.
