the other day i told two people that i am a wretch, really.
it's hard to admit that you are horrible to someone.
their reactions were very different, but both helpful.
and i said i've been praying a lot, saying sorry for not thinking kind thoughts or feeling noble feelings or saying good words and that i don't want a heart that gets all caught up and bitter especially knowing that that's not at all what other people need if i'm going to be able to be of any help to them and love them properly but that that's what i've got. and it's that that makes me cry. i've got a rotten heart and i'm just not a very good person and holiness and godliness are so hard to fight for in myself all the time that it feels like losing out and giving up so much of the time and that some days i just want to give up because it's tiring to be so aware of your own sinfulness.
but i do hold to be true the fact that i have better and lasting possessions than people and places because of jesus.
praise Him.
